Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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