Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
