i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
