aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Floor bacon is actually really good
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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