I smell stomach acid.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
