She's JV to your varsity
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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