I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
Randomize