His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish life had little blips of pornography
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
