He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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