I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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