He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Randomize
