dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
