Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
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