Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
