You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
Randomize
