I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
