she was so not down for the gang bang
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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