Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
So vagazzling was a success
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
