I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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