He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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