I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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