And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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