he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
how drunk are you?
Several
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
