I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
