Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Randomize
