youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
