You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Randomize
