You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I'm getting flash backs of last night. They're coming in song form.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
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