worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
