$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
