Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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