Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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