I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
