Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
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