youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
