just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
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