i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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