Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
