The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
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