Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I think i just made eye contact with his roommate... while doing reverse cowgirl. Yup i have no shamee
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