This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
