this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
