Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
