he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
