fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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