That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
