she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
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