Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
