i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I can text with my tongue
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Randomize
