At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
