She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
