So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
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