It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize