She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Randomize
