Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
