eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Too much gin, very little bucket
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
