no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Randomize
