Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Halfway through he got an idea for a short story so he wrote it in magic marker on my boobs. Yeah, he's a keeper.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
