I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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