i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
