I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
