Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
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