Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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