I showed him my bush... on skype.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
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