So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
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