oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
