You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
