she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
