It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
