So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
