All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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