one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize