So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
