No awkward lesbian experiences without me
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
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