I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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