I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
