3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize