these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
