isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
