I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
My bed smells like the plague
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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