Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
