It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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