I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
Randomize
