i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
