you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize