do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
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