dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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