I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Randomize
