my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Randomize
