The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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