I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
