Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
