I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
