i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
