hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
