Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
