I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Randomize
